{/Tuesday, July 05, 2005, @8:50 PM.
{ The weekend went so fast! I can't believe it... My birthday, and Grandma!!! :-| }
I had a really hectic and FAST weekend! We went back to Msia on Sat afternoon and got back only early Tue morning. That's cos my Grandma just passed away, it's awful, it really is. But I'm making a point to write it here, to really acknowledge it. I still find it unreal, that she's still somewhere around, on a holiday, even though I've touched her cold face and seen her in the coffin, offered so many incense sticks. Oh my, I can't really control my tears now. It's appalling, it really is. But as Evio said, stronger ties between other family members have been forged. It's kinda fun, at some points of time, as everyone tries not to get too upset, cos it'll just start a crying session all over.
Well, even though it's the most unpleasant birthday present I've ever received, the march up to some distant place to cremate my Grandma with the rest of the family who were present, at least it's my first birthday spent in Msia and I could see all my lovable cuzzies and aunts and uncles. Even though we joked around when we had to pay the most attention, I dun think we're wrong. I mean, Grandma wouldn't want all of us to grieve for her all the time. We should be happy, that she left in such a peaceful state. She was still smiling. I gave her my rubber band, cos the guy who was to nail the coffin and seal it completely asked if we had any last things to give her on her way, I just thought of it. I wanted to have a connection with her... I want to remember her forever, as far as I live.
I still find the times I spent with her too little. It was at the most twice a year, though I hope i can say thrice. But i dun think so. Well, i just wanna write out my feelings. For such personal things, I would definitely write in my diary too. To remember such strong and intense emotions I have. It's really bad, that she has gone. The sobbing and all I have taken in when we were in msia really made me realize something. It had something to do with a quote I just read in my mail before we left for Msia -- "The best things in life aren't things." To me, I take them to be love, friendship, kinship, care, concern and so many more intangible things...
Which is why, I'm sorta glad I passed my birthday with so many people. Even though many din know it was my birthday, I din feel alone. We were all brought together. As we had to take a bus to reach the place to cremate my grandma, all of us in that bus at that moment had something in common, we all love Grandma! It was the first time we were gathered like that, even for such a cause. A comforting hand on the shoulder, reassuring rubs on the back, even a smile, be it empathy or sympathy, made me feel so much warmth and was lightened up instantly, even if just a little.
Though I'll always be reminded of Grandma when it's my birthday, since it was the day we all marched to send her off on her last journey, she'll always live in our hearts. But I admit i'd cry whenever my birthday comes, cos it does remind me of the sad times, though we laughed during them. So I really hope everyone will treasure who they have. It's really unpredictable. Two weeks ago, we just bid our goodbyes to her and drove back to Singapore. Two weeks later, she had left us, no one even saw her the last time. As in, no one was by her when she passed away. Cos it was late night in the hospital when she was admitted cos she just vomitted, she got everyone to go home, she din want to trouble them. Then, the doctor called to say she had left us at about 5 plus in the morn... (I'm sobbing uncontrollably, like how I did when I was back in Msia)
I guess that's why I txt Rabbit and told her I din really want any birthday presents, I just want everyone to be safe and happy. But if she really wanted to get me something, she could do so... Oh my oh my oh my, I really want to bring my frens back to Msia with my Grandma there and she could show us around the backyard when she rears chickens and ducks and geese... But that'll never happen... Oh shoot, I think I need to call Potato for a quick fix-me-up. Talking it out is always so much better.
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Well, even though it's the most unpleasant birthday present I've ever received, the march up to some distant place to cremate my Grandma with the rest of the family who were present, at least it's my first birthday spent in Msia and I could see all my lovable cuzzies and aunts and uncles. Even though we joked around when we had to pay the most attention, I dun think we're wrong. I mean, Grandma wouldn't want all of us to grieve for her all the time. We should be happy, that she left in such a peaceful state. She was still smiling. I gave her my rubber band, cos the guy who was to nail the coffin and seal it completely asked if we had any last things to give her on her way, I just thought of it. I wanted to have a connection with her... I want to remember her forever, as far as I live.
I still find the times I spent with her too little. It was at the most twice a year, though I hope i can say thrice. But i dun think so. Well, i just wanna write out my feelings. For such personal things, I would definitely write in my diary too. To remember such strong and intense emotions I have. It's really bad, that she has gone. The sobbing and all I have taken in when we were in msia really made me realize something. It had something to do with a quote I just read in my mail before we left for Msia -- "The best things in life aren't things." To me, I take them to be love, friendship, kinship, care, concern and so many more intangible things...
Which is why, I'm sorta glad I passed my birthday with so many people. Even though many din know it was my birthday, I din feel alone. We were all brought together. As we had to take a bus to reach the place to cremate my grandma, all of us in that bus at that moment had something in common, we all love Grandma! It was the first time we were gathered like that, even for such a cause. A comforting hand on the shoulder, reassuring rubs on the back, even a smile, be it empathy or sympathy, made me feel so much warmth and was lightened up instantly, even if just a little.
Though I'll always be reminded of Grandma when it's my birthday, since it was the day we all marched to send her off on her last journey, she'll always live in our hearts. But I admit i'd cry whenever my birthday comes, cos it does remind me of the sad times, though we laughed during them. So I really hope everyone will treasure who they have. It's really unpredictable. Two weeks ago, we just bid our goodbyes to her and drove back to Singapore. Two weeks later, she had left us, no one even saw her the last time. As in, no one was by her when she passed away. Cos it was late night in the hospital when she was admitted cos she just vomitted, she got everyone to go home, she din want to trouble them. Then, the doctor called to say she had left us at about 5 plus in the morn... (I'm sobbing uncontrollably, like how I did when I was back in Msia)
I guess that's why I txt Rabbit and told her I din really want any birthday presents, I just want everyone to be safe and happy. But if she really wanted to get me something, she could do so... Oh my oh my oh my, I really want to bring my frens back to Msia with my Grandma there and she could show us around the backyard when she rears chickens and ducks and geese... But that'll never happen... Oh shoot, I think I need to call Potato for a quick fix-me-up. Talking it out is always so much better.
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Post Comment - that you lurve Da Dong too haha
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