{/Friday, August 17, 2007, @10:21 AM.
TITLE: Maybe I need to blog more? I need to LURVE myself. I'm likinG SALSA MORE!
Maybe I need to blog more? I'm usin my lapp0y now, trying to develop more feelings for it and be more attached to it. It'll be a random post again, don't mind me if I jump around too much, cos if not, I'll write loads and loads and it'll be never-ending, like always in the past. I just can't seem to put everything short and I've got this habit of writing out whatever that is flowing in my mind nw. I deem writing as some sort of purification or cleansing activity, in the sense that I empty whatever's in my head and stuff that bugs me(sometimes) onto paper (in journals) or as posts on my blog... It's cathartic, I mean it.
Evelyn, Genevieve, Patrick and I went for Kinetics Welcome Tea. It's fun, but I miss salsa! Weird, right? I can't help but admit that I'm liking salsa more. There's like a gnawing tot that salsa is gonna replace my first lurve of hiphop/jazz. I think it's really gonna be true in a "stronger" degree if I still don't do sth abt my hiphop/jazz education.
At the welcome tea, it was funny cos thr were some really funny ppl! Damn funny and I kept luffing all the way. I'm not scared of anyone from Xen reading my blog haha --- I might be leaving Xen in Sep for a few months. Cos my Ma doesn't like me to travel all the way to Chinatown a few times a week. She said I shd make full use of what my uni has to offer, dance lessons for very affordable fees and it's so near my home and I can save on transport fares!
Wahahaa, I jus realized I have so much to blog about. In other words, spout out... to cleanse, to empty, to purify. Had a great long chat with Caiying aka Joanne yesterday night/early this morn. She was the welfare cum water gurl during my CAＣ ＦＯＣ Camp. I realize I've got this urge to want to beat ppl who's had lotsa travelling experiences. For her, she went Germany, London, Sweden and Norway, but she spent like 10K in 5 mths. Wahaha, so MUCH FUN LAH！
I really shd just throw the thought of "safety overseas" for now. It keeps buggin me when I think of travelling. I know "zuo ren ying gai gan cui yi dian", means we should just do what we want and not let stuff hold us back cos we have too many concerns... We ought to be more direct and focused. Do things instead of think here think there, everywhere think think wahaha. Old Macdonald had a farm... Yucks, I'll stop this.
I am childish! I believe we should retain our childlikeness as long as we possibly can. Nvm, this is very contentious, even to myself. There are two sides, two extremes in us. These two extremes of mine can nv stop contradicting themselves. So forget it, I'll stop thinking too ＭＵＣＨ! The problem with me is I think far too much! Ah! During my first Craft of Writing Tut, we had to come up with our own quotes on writing. I came up with "Write it out to stop it shout!" but I nv told anyone about it. Give me ur tots on it!??
There was once when I talked to Amelyn, ex Tour East colleague, a very nice, gentle and patient lady... She commented that I was good with numbers (NOTE:it's gt nuttin to do with Maths). It just means I can rmb them well and count fast. I told her I learnt quite a lot of abacus frm 5 yrs old for a few yrs (at least). I even went for exams, like those exams held in the capital in the ancient past ahaha. Yea, relation to the ancient times! Everything in my head just "dig dig dig dig", very fast... Maybe that caused my brain to work too fast, led me to speak too fast and THINK TOO MUCH!
Wonder how I managed to link to that aha. Oh no, I kinda feel that in future my blog posts would be full of topics but they have no relation and all and I'm just here, dumping what's inside. There's still quite a bit in there... Moving on...
I've touched a bit abt my fears on travelling alone/with frens, I worry about "safety" cos my parents just keep digging into my brain and planting it there recently. Ever since I talked about going HK in Jun earlier this yr. We didn't go in the end. The good thing is, I have all my savings intact I can prepare for future travelling trips, if I get over the "safety" part. Period for now.
Wonder how I managed to link to that aha. Oh no, I kinda feel that in future my blog posts would be full of topics but they have no relation and all and I'm just here, dumping what's inside. There's still quite a bit in there... Moving on...
I've touched a bit abt my fears on travelling alone/with frens, I worry about "safety" cos my parents just keep digging into my brain and planting it there recently. Ever since I talked about going HK in Jun earlier this yr. We didn't go in the end. The good thing is, I have all my savings intact I can prepare for future travelling trips, if I get over the "safety" part. Period for now.
I like to learn abt people, hence Psychology and Sociology. If I were to take these modules in NTU, I'm worried cos of the essays we nd to write. All of a sudden, I gt this great fear of writing essays, I fear I can't write well and there goes my GPA. Not that I'd do very well for Chinese, but at least I'm gonna study hard! YEA, since I'll be paying the highest amt of school fees ever! If I don't do decently well, all that money's gonna go to waste, right?!!! It's my last chance to be a student, being a carefree one (in terms of money), I don't have to work to support myself for now. My parents are supporting me now. Nice parents! :)
I lurve to know about General Knowledge ard the world too, hence I adore reading Times, National Geographic... But GP was difficult for me. I don't really have any particular strong stands towards anything, I'm more of a receiving party, like a sponge absorbing it all. But GP requires u to take a stand, its hard for me, I contradict too much til I don't know what's my stand! Mmm, writing it out kinda makes me realize I'm scared of the essay-writing part cos of GP.
Could anyone just give me any comments about the writing essays part and travelling part?
When Caiying told me about the countries she went to, I also told her I'm a greedy gurl and a copycat. It's just easier to copy what others do when you don't have a strong inkling of what you want... yet. Boo... You don't have to think abt it, just follow and your brain relaxes, without pondering. Thanks Caiying aka. Joanne for sharing so much!
Everything has its good and bad. When we gain something, we lose something. Taking charge of one's own life means we gotta be responsible for what happens due to our decisions at first. I hate myself for having so many worries again. I thought I had got pass that stage in the past. At least when I write, I feel that I am aware of what's in my mind. I can seek help accordingly. Oooh, I should really go back to the "Age of the Self-help Books". I used to read them, so many of them back in sec sch!
Whee, this is a vearry, vary long post...
It's time for me to fathom what "Lurve Myself" really means again... Xiaoxia once told me she read somewhere that fear and lurve are our main emotions. Our decisions, how we think are mostly based on these two. If we lurve, we won't fear and vice-versa. Although I kp writin that, I feel that sometimes I realli know what it means, but other times I dun. It's juz a reminder, but it doesn't help. I could "eat" or "swallow" it but I don't "digest" it.
Enuf for now, I need to read and fansub wahaha... Get more inspiration about my life. Work on my fears, gotta start studying by reading those materials for school!
Oh yea, it was fun when I went home with Ma ytd. I finished sch and walked to her Q-dees to wait for her to get off work. So nice to see all the kids again. Dear Xinmin hugged me before I left, that very vivacious and bubbly child. She can be very moody and temperamental at times and just throw tantrums. But she's warm-hearted and passionate and doesn't care about showing it out! The honest nature of kids! Although they can be pretentious sometimes, but most of the time, they just do whatever comes to mind and nv hold themselves back...
It was damn fun on the way home. My mama was saying "the in front (basket) so heavy, behind also so heavy". She cycled home with me on the seat behind whaaha. We even veered off once into the grass patch from the pavement as we neared our Home Sweet Home. My mama is so adorable at times, felt so blessed and lurved as I tried for the first time to lie my head against her back. I always sit sideways on her bike (bicycle, not motorbike) when she cycles home with me.
My fetish for motorbikes should come from bicycles since I learnt how to cycle when I was 5. Whenever we go Msia, it was a treat to roam the streets (long gai = a term) by our aunts/uncles/cousins/whoever don't mind bringing us along on a motorbike/scooter. Guess it brought me back to my childhood, so excited. IN msia, no need wear helmet as long as we are within the village, not on the main road! It's like no government wahahhah.
Haix... Soz guys, I said I'll stop already but I went on about this last bit. Oh yea, might be going JB for a short weekend trip on Saturday cos Ker Shin jiejie's frens invite me along to celebrate Ker Shin jiejie's bday in advance whaahha. So happy they ask me too! I've never done it before. Though ppl keep saying JB very dangerous, I've never felt it that way cos I was always with my parents, in the car, we don't stop at JB, just move on to where we are going, like my Pa's hometown, after Kota Tinggi, quite near Desaru, more specifically, Jemaluang, 13 miles from Mersing. If we're going back to Ma's hometown, it's straight up to KL, the exact place is Ayer Tawar in the state of Perak.
Adios, Spanish is fun! It's only my 2nd class but I feel so in lurve with it! thanks to Salsa waahhaa...
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