{/Love You More and More.
{/Sunday, August 20, 2006, @12:09 AM.
{ just showered. lurvely feeling. }
Just showered. Lurvely feeling ahha...

Went to the nearby Pioneer mall just now. Got into a nerve rack just now about whether to buy Sims 2 EP: University ahah... Called Eve and gabbled on and on. Glad it's over. Thanks *US*. There are just times when one has the need to babble rubbish to someone. Insecurities and all... Ugh, I'll keep that out of my mind for now yeah haa...

Watched Singapore Idol on Wed. Nurul's really great. I lurve the song "Wishing I was there" by Natalie Imbruglia cos of her ahha. At first, I couldn't quite get it. She wasn't actually singing rock like jamming or sth. But the judges gave her compliments. I must say I feel comfortable and really enjoyed listening her sing. Maybe that's what's most impt.

Went lunch with Ma today at Burger King at Tuas. She called me specially to ask me to go with her while she took a break from cab-driving. Yes, my mother drives a cab as a part-time job cos what she earns from being a childcare teacher is simply not enough for her 2 shark-like kids(she says that of me and my younger bro) and my father who likes to spend on many different things ha.

Felt great. It was really casual. I ate so much. Sucks.
At night, went to dinner and oh yeah, Pioneer Mall. We walked around Giant and I must say looking at those little kids... There aren't too many of them but one must be satisfied easily to feel happiness haah...

On the day I walked backwards on the way home from school(mind you, i got a horn and some looks by drivers on the wide road beside me) on Thu, I thought to myself(cos of the sims 2 and their adorable toddlers) that I'd like a wish. A wish that I'd find an abandoned baby somewhere on the way home and take it home and raise it. ENd of story. Ma told me it's illegal to keep the baby like that.

Another wish: I wanna play dodgeball someday and just now... I wanna play captain's ball, frisbee whatever with my dear frens one fine day! Thanks Tyris for that idea! haha...

I really need to remind me of this. I do play positive tapes in my head at times, and tell myself that I shouldn't keep grouping or categorising or labelling myself cos I won't ever get to change ever. Time for some more self-help books or resources!

"Do you ever wish you took more risks in everyday life? Like your girlfriend who makes new friends by just marching right up to folks at a party and starting a lively conversation. Or like my neighbor who's always trying something new -- yoga, skydiving, mountain biking, community theater, just to name a few.

Well, new adventures require self-take confidence and that's built one thought at a time. The trick is to tame your brain critic by limiting his airtime and playing positive tapes in your head instead. Here are a few ways to get your mind to behave so that you can take on new adventures in life with confidence.

*1*
You want more recognition, but you're afraid to stick your neck out. The next time a self-limiting thought like, I'll never be able to...pops into your head, turn it into a strategy statement. Instead of, I'll never get promoted, try: I'll probably get promoted if I take the lead on that new project and succeed. (Or some other sensible strategy).

*2*
Rotten luck got you stuck? Learn to turn every complaint (yours or anyone else's) into a question. Complaints are statements of defeat and come across as whining. Questions, on the other hand, put the power back in your hands by sending you in search for a solution. For example, if you catch yourself saying, "Everyone's in a rotten mood today!" (a complaint), turn it into the question, "What can I do to lighten things up?"

*3*
Watch your language, especially when you talk to yourself. The ability to take risks is built on how you rebound from mistakes. The next time you trip up, notice what you say. Do you pummel yourself with insults: "Idiot! Jerk! Why do you always do that?" Stop right in the middle of your verbal self-abuse and pretend that you are talking to a good friend who had just made the same mistake. You'd say something like, "Hey, you did the best you could. Now, pick yourself up and try again. There is no shame in failing...only if you fail to try."

*4*
Play by your own rules. The next time you want to do something new, but your inner critic says you shouldn't, push back with the question, why not? If the answer is, "It's not polite," or "What will people think," or " I'll look like a fool," you're playing by someone else's rules. Stop shouldering on yourself, and go with your gut. Follow the urge to swim in the deep end now and then. What's the worst that can happen? You're not perfect? Join the rest of the world. And the best outcome? You took a risk and survived and are better because of it. Confidence is built one stretch at a time, and if you stretch often, your enjoyment of life becomes ever-expanding.

*5*
Feed your esteem. If you want to be more open to adventure, growth, and spontaneous fun, you'll have to starve your brain critic and feed your inner confidence coach. Start each day with a self-affirming statement: "I'm hot, I'm smart, and I'm ready for anything," or "I'm confident, competent, and full of energy." Give yourself compliments that pump up your sense of power. Remember, we are all bombarded every day with subtle and not-so-subtle messages of how "challenging" (scary, dangerous, etc.) things are. Defy them with your own inner dialogue of hope, confidence and strength."

-o-From i-village: Boost Your Confidence 5 ways to change your mindset and build self-esteem -o-

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{/Tuesday, August 15, 2006, @12:19 AM.
{ Lurve myself... yeah! }
I've been crying in almost every episode of The Oprah Winfrey show... I do feel there's really hope for the world whenever I watch it. Mmm...

Slept at 3am ytd after chatting with Potato. I just vomitted a lot of stuff. I mean crappy feelings and a lot of unnecessary stuff cos of "think too much"(t2m) Honestly, I really t2m. yeah, a new abbreviation from myself haha... Though it wasn't exactly that great, i felt better.

In the end, I came to the conclusion: LURVE MYSELF. I admit I didn't give it much thought recently. I was too caught up with thinking about what I couldn't have. Though I'd turn back and tell myself I gotta count my blessings, (i tried counting my fingers and toes and it did help when I felt the things I had were countable) I only managed to stop myself t2m temporarily.

After "Lurve Myself" was recalled, pooh! it's like all the disgusting and sucky thoughts disappeared for that instant. That's why, I'm sure lurving myself would certainly keep me in equilibrium more often. However, I fear I'd be over egoistic, narcissistic, overly self-centred... Well, when it comes then. Thinking too highly of oneself is better than being low self-esteemed, huh? haha..

These are a few pics i do like very much and took them on purpose in China on the bus:
I wanted to create the effect of a travel journal...

*lurve this the most* *i look silly*


*do i look amazed?* *acting solemn*

hee hee... very old feel right? I like them a lot! There is an old feel indeed.

Lurve myself...
It's stupid... i've been putting it as the title of my blog but I nv stop and think it thru, i mean really think it thru...

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{/Friday, August 11, 2006, @12:47 AM.
{ National Day, 2006 NDP haha... drained? }
As I was telling Tyris just now, (very long nv talk with her hee!) I do feel kinda drained. The past few days... I didn't feel much of anything except very normal-normal-daily-life. Though I went to the National Day Parade at the National Stadium on Wed, I think my exhaustion just dulled a bit of the experience. Hahah... but I had fun in any way haha... Thanks XIAOXIA, EVELYN, and Mr Lee ahha...

There's this family behind us that I gotta thank too. They were really my sources of laughter!
The characters:
Mother= Has thick makeup, dark blue + purple eyeshadow, red-red lips, red-red cheeks.

Elder son = He wore the National Day white cap. So let's just call him the Cap-guy.

Younger son = The quiet guy. He didn't really speak much, at least not that I could hear of.

At first, I had no idea they were a family. That's cos Cap-guy and his wife were sitting away from the Mother and I even heard Cap-guy say "...later the police come and catch you". hahha... But as time went by and what they said that was loud enough for me and Xiaoxia to hear, we really can't stop laughing. Especially me aha, I just can't stifle my giggles.

[1]
Mother: Take the picture la, faster. When the fireworks come... *and she keeps nudging him on the arm* until...

Cap-guy: Sssstop TOUCHING meeee... *in a hissing and menacing tone*

-Pretty scary huh... He's like threatening her. I just can't help but guffaw and it's kinda terrible, especially when we're in the midst of standing and singing the national anthem for the 2nd time in a night.-

[2]
Mother: You see ah, the big big white ballons are painted by children...
Cap-guy: Yalah, yalah, I not stupid.

[3]
Mother: *sorta marvels at the NDP goodie bag* Eh, the bag very good leh. Can use for camping, swimming, hiking...

Cap-guy: rubbish la... [and just dismissed Mother off]

It's really funny, ya know. Hahaa... we hoped to get some pics of them. But I definitely can't point them out aha... That's why I'm posting them here anyway haha...


i lurve this pic!!!! it's the 1st taken there. hee hee... I wore red, and it's actually a top I sorta re-designed hee. My first top too. Will post pics about it soon. I'm really glad I'm more of a DIY person these days haha. And there's a box I decorated too, though I'm halfway thru it. Sigh, like my pictures uploading... I'm ashamed... :(


Ho ho! Look who we've got behind. I'll not say more than that. We took some other candid pics too haha... I had to sacrifice looking like that with my hair getting into my eye just to show you all sth haa...


One of the other candid pics...


Hee hee, I took this just after one display of fireworks was over. Xiaoxia thought I was silly to take pics only after the fireworks was over. I replied her that it's really amusing to see so many ppl carrying umbrellas while wearing caps and there's just no droplets falling from the sky ahha... In case you don't know, the umbrellas act as a shelter from the dust and debris from the fireworks.


I'm exasperated with a tinge of sadness that my tattoo always come out in an unsightly manner. I'm not blaming you, Xiaoxia, but I really do feel sad. This is the distorted flag on my skin. Pardon me, Singapore. I really wanna express my love for you but the flag just didn't turn out too good. It must be my oily face after sweating like a pig the whole day...

[Later, I tried to get the tattoo of the global city logo on the back of my hand. It was better, but still not up to standard. Gave up in the end... I like it cos it's colourful.]


Fireworks! I took some other pics during the other displays and they were better than these 3. The sad thing is I don't know why Potato's camera can't upload pictures now. Damn it! Well... let's just be contented with what we have? haha...

Some other misc stuff:
>..< We saw Shaun in the midst of a unicycling hockey competition! SO AMAZING AND COOL LA! HAHA.. AND FUNNY...

>..< Meeting Sang, Fad AND RAD!!! Though it was like we were in a refugee camp and all of us were trying to stay alive while making our way through that huge throng of people. It was horrendous. All of us smelt like poo! Shit! Durians!(Uh, no offence but I really don't like the smell nor the taste of it after 18 yrs of living.) Mmm... We're some stinky filty people...

>..< On the way while we were walking, I had a silly idea and started to beat Xiaoxia's shadow on the road with the ping-pong stick ahha... 2 guys clad in their army uniforms like 2 walking pieces of forests ran by us and one of them said: "Relac la"... I swear I'm not deranged or is of any threat to the society at that instant!

That's all for now. I need to finish translating Big Money though it's past 1am now. One more day of school later, Friday, and I'm free again and that will lead to me slacking even more cos there's no inertia to study after being relaxed for a few days in a row.

Soz ppl, if this post is too long and is a strain on your eyes haha... But pls take the time to read it if you can spare it, since I haven't really poured out my feelings(indepth) here in quite a while... Other stuff are just my thoughts about life and the world I live in. [Don't you think it's funny? We live on earth but in the world.]

Plus yeah yeah! I finished the national day post in one shot!

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{/Thursday, August 10, 2006, @4:35 PM.
{ continued... }
I realize that I always do things halfway and never finish them in the end. That's why, in the midst of watching It Started With a Kiss episode 11 ahaa, I force myself to upload the pics...

Continued from the pictures just now...


Sam's house...


Their cake for me: Courtesy of Sam, Yu Baohui, and Peiyi. ^_^


me & Sam. Tyris & me.


1

2

3

4

5 I feel kinda sad that these 5 pics are all so dark....

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@9:43 AM.
{ 7th July 06 pics... }
This is really long ago: aha.. 7th july 06. Out with dance frens, they say to celebrate my belated birthday ahha...

some shots in the Kbox room...





me and Tyris... me and min rabbit!






me and the yu bao hui haha... we look like "g****s" here, it's the light!


me and Sam, she was sick that day... Take care, though I know she
has recovered cos it's so long ago haa...


Me and Sam's bear at her house. Her bear is really cute!
Though I know soft toys have a lot of bacteria... :(



At sam's house now... They were singing the song for me aahah...

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{/Tuesday, August 08, 2006, @10:13 PM.
{ "Give to Gain" }
Cried quite a lot just now. Mmm, didn't wanna watch it at first, but watched it in the end. Life Story... The people who were trying hard to make ends meet feel so lucky when they manage to get food for the day and it's so simple... to be satiated.

I felt more about life's meaning recently... After my phone convo with Kyra for about 30 mins,(i must be mad! about $9 plus i think.) I do wonder how come she can be kinda depressed despite knowing so much... Well, to each his/her own. Everyone feels differently about the world. I feel that she's feeling cynical.

What she told me was: An average American would go home after work in the evening to prepare dinner. After dinner, it would be TV and then sleeping. There's not much of "life", they aren't really "living". She compared it with people living in India... who are constantly worrying about their next meal. She was saying that "that's what's called living", cos they are not under the materialism culture.

I completely agree with her. I pointed out that: It's a vicious cycle. As we have more money,(ok, we learnt all these in GP...and maybe when I read some informative and current articles journals or mags[though i'm damn slow]) and there's growing affluence, especially in developed countries, we tend to have excess money and we'd spend them on things or services. I can't help feeling that you'd just want more... more and more... cos the satisfaction a good or service can give you is only for a period of time, not long.

Hence, people who struggle to fulfil a part of their physical, vital needs, they feel contented with life easier...


Mmm... as much as I think through these days, I know I can't live in a make-believe world. I just gotta see the goodness in what's around my life and within life. I can't escape from it, I can't run away and hide myself from the rest of the real world in my imagined world. I just can't...

I can only move on... so here's the happy parts: Pictures! Memories!!! Though I do feel lately that there's not much of need to take pictures all the time cos some things are better off being etched in one's mind.

SUCK IT!!!! I CAN'T UPLOAD FOR I DON'T KNOW WHAT REASON. nEvER MIND, i'll do it another time then... So here's the update for now. I'll be back to watching Full House, Charmed and Save the Last Dance.

Hee hee... "Give to gain" - Phoebe from Charmed Season 1...

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