{/Wednesday, October 22, 2008, @8:20 PM.
{ always rmb, the future is so unexpected! }
TiTLE: always rmb, the future is so unexpected!
pls, kylalalalala, keep this in mind - forever!
so you won't be sad forever... (im thinking positively cos it applies the same for being happy too ahha)
I realized I took 1 year to open up to my Chinese course mates. It's so funny!
I really had so much fun on Monday and Tuesday. I very long never laugh so hard and so much already! Though I can't forget my troubles or watever insecurities I have forever, at least, being able to forget them is good enough! Enjoy the moment! At the moment, I'm happy and contented! In so much joy!
I had no idea HC204, Yuan Ming Qing literature can be so interesting! All those novels, be they long or short stories were so popular back then! Like Liao Zhai 聊斋，the stories are all so super interesting. Fantasy stories, like fox spirits 狐狸精，ghosts 鬼, flower fairies 花仙子 and etc...
Ms Yang told us about 《莲香》. I told Angel my mama's name is Lian Xiang and she said 恭喜你，你的妈妈是女主角。Omigush, super lame. Angel, I know you read my blog like you tell me and I'd be so surprised always to hear you say something abt me that I'm so very sure I didn't tell you about. So I'm forcing you to tag!!!! I'm writing these stuff, recording them here to remember la!
You were so funny that day when I called you asking you about your report. When I told you we will try to appeal to pass up report on Friday, you said “耶，可以冲凉了"! Cos you were working hard for your report and told me you only at 200 wordsa haha. Super funny la. I really lurve HC232! 周老师，为什么你不要回来？Thanks for being such a great and funny friend. I got your pictures and I'm gonna post it here ahahhhahahhahhhahhahahha...
未来真的很莫不可测。你想想看，一年前，你在当时绝不会想到一年后会有这些或那些事情发生等等。像我在JJC时，是绝不会想到在大学一年级后就会去美国，然后有真的活着的感觉。After Work & Travel USA roadshow, I was so reminded of Yellowstone again. The photographs the employers brought of the working environment and employees... Brought back so much memories and I entered "emo" state again... Gush, Charmaine feels it too. She says she wonders how long she can really stop being reminded of Yellowstone (or something like that), since sometimes ppl will post Yellowstone pics on facebook and she'd see them ahah... It was so tiring but I had a great time with you and Evelyn @ mac and along the way, we talked so much. I'm surprised, I was really gonna faint but so surprised I can sustain til I reached home! I WANT TO PLAY MAHJONG! & WATCH THE STARS!
哈哈哈，现在看我之前有多么emo, 我就觉得好好笑，也很神奇！情绪、想法，真的不断地在变。我真的得坚持下去，然后不要想太多！现在，这一刻，是我拥有的。真正地享受、欣赏吧！
Suddenly I felt so bad for laughing at my mama when she said she failed her exam! Haha, I just couldn't help it! That day in Quad after Mon HC204 lecture (20 Oct 08'), we were laughing so hard at the person who bounced off his bed out of his window and passed away unfortunately. That's cos he was so engrossed in his guitar playing and didn't realize that the huge window right behind him was opened big big! We also laughed about other stuff related to that kind. Like I told them I couldn't help but laugh when I heard a report on the radio: A father (40 yrs) had killed his son (18 yrs) in China. The father killed his son with a chopper cos they were fighting over the computer to play computer game! Omigush! The world is full of unbelievable things! 世界无奇不有！There was Jing Chao, Yi Ting, Angel (pink robot) and me.
On Tue, before HC232, I was laughing so hard at Yao Tang and Angel! WHAHAAHA... They are both super funny and lame. I really laugh til I want to hyper-ventilate sometimes! After HC204, I was laughing so hard again, dunno at wad and Yi Ting came and looked seriously at me and told me "get out", she was saying Ying Ning is inside me. Ying Ning is a character in one of the stories of Liao Zhai who laughs and laughs and laughs, it's like throughout the story, she laughed till the end and only stopped laughing when she killed someone with her laugh ahah. Super funny la...
Whew, I so need to work hard on my report, the first for HC232. Angel always says she will anyhow write, so funny haa, she's 4A student loh! Whee, I'm gonna watch 命中注定我爱你。桑桑：你继续感动吧！真的很谢谢你在我生命里。你参与了我很多的“时光”！和美好回忆！
it was so random, i brought my camera on 10 Oct 08' (fri), i forgot why le.
that's angel in her strait jacket ahhaa...
that's 名教黄耀棠 debating with our sub teacher hahaah.
no la, after class le, that's no gunpowder at all!
wee hee, this is the glasses of Tang Tang Wei.
taken on 11 Oct 08' (sat) when we were @ ichiban boshi @ suntec for Yellowstone National Park friends gathering. ah, yellowstone, i lurve you.
Oh and I cried so hard again, like a wailing baby - but surprisingly, it felt so good when I could scream and cry for all I was worth, I was really using every ounce of energy in my body to cry. 越哭越起劲！哈哈。真爽，能够放声大哭也是一大享受！这比以前轻轻哭泣爽多了！我会如此大哭，则是因为我妈妈一直说她好友的大女儿多么有本事！上大学，不但不用跟父母拿钱，还给他们钱。因为她作工的工资很高！我就一直说，不是每个人都那么有本事的。不爽她一直拿我和别人比。我虽然不是什么有本事的女儿，但我孝顺 （虽然有时喜欢顶嘴）我没在外面惹事。然后，觉得自己很委屈，我有时真的很努力地为学业奋斗，考试的时候真是那样！但妈妈还是那样说我。我觉得自己很冤枉，自己为妈妈付出的努力被忽视了。好，我承认我有时真的没有做到一个学生应该做的，像迟到或有时翘课。但我的成绩不但没有退步，反而还进步了（真是奇怪，但我不可以每次依赖我的好运！）。
虽然我有时说我要退学，但我真的不敢。因为若一退，我又不知道要干嘛。能尽量不向父母亲拿钱，就不拿。偶尔做做家务，就是为了要博取妈妈的一笑。希望我妈妈每天快快乐乐，希望我的孩子气和神经病能让她大笑。我想，我真的很爱我妈妈，不知道没有她的日子会怎样。总是在书里看到，“人们总得等到失去后才后悔，拥有时总是不会珍惜。” 所以，现在的我总提醒自己去想象身边的人若不在的话，若他们一辈子都不会再出现在我身边后，我的生活将会是怎样的呢？想到后，就害怕，觉得好像我的生活不完整。仿佛，身体失去了一快很大片的肉或什么的。（糟了，好烂的比喻哦哈哈！）但读者能明白就好！
耶，通过以上的那么一写，更有动力向努力了！因为，我现在有点懒！有点不想作报告！hehe.
i'm outta here... later people haha...
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pls, kylalalalala, keep this in mind - forever!
so you won't be sad forever... (im thinking positively cos it applies the same for being happy too ahha)
I realized I took 1 year to open up to my Chinese course mates. It's so funny!
I really had so much fun on Monday and Tuesday. I very long never laugh so hard and so much already! Though I can't forget my troubles or watever insecurities I have forever, at least, being able to forget them is good enough! Enjoy the moment! At the moment, I'm happy and contented! In so much joy!
I had no idea HC204, Yuan Ming Qing literature can be so interesting! All those novels, be they long or short stories were so popular back then! Like Liao Zhai 聊斋，the stories are all so super interesting. Fantasy stories, like fox spirits 狐狸精，ghosts 鬼, flower fairies 花仙子 and etc...
Ms Yang told us about 《莲香》. I told Angel my mama's name is Lian Xiang and she said 恭喜你，你的妈妈是女主角。Omigush, super lame. Angel, I know you read my blog like you tell me and I'd be so surprised always to hear you say something abt me that I'm so very sure I didn't tell you about. So I'm forcing you to tag!!!! I'm writing these stuff, recording them here to remember la!
You were so funny that day when I called you asking you about your report. When I told you we will try to appeal to pass up report on Friday, you said “耶，可以冲凉了"! Cos you were working hard for your report and told me you only at 200 wordsa haha. Super funny la. I really lurve HC232! 周老师，为什么你不要回来？Thanks for being such a great and funny friend. I got your pictures and I'm gonna post it here ahahhhahahhahhhahhahahha...
未来真的很莫不可测。你想想看，一年前，你在当时绝不会想到一年后会有这些或那些事情发生等等。像我在JJC时，是绝不会想到在大学一年级后就会去美国，然后有真的活着的感觉。After Work & Travel USA roadshow, I was so reminded of Yellowstone again. The photographs the employers brought of the working environment and employees... Brought back so much memories and I entered "emo" state again... Gush, Charmaine feels it too. She says she wonders how long she can really stop being reminded of Yellowstone (or something like that), since sometimes ppl will post Yellowstone pics on facebook and she'd see them ahah... It was so tiring but I had a great time with you and Evelyn @ mac and along the way, we talked so much. I'm surprised, I was really gonna faint but so surprised I can sustain til I reached home! I WANT TO PLAY MAHJONG! & WATCH THE STARS!
哈哈哈，现在看我之前有多么emo, 我就觉得好好笑，也很神奇！情绪、想法，真的不断地在变。我真的得坚持下去，然后不要想太多！现在，这一刻，是我拥有的。真正地享受、欣赏吧！
Suddenly I felt so bad for laughing at my mama when she said she failed her exam! Haha, I just couldn't help it! That day in Quad after Mon HC204 lecture (20 Oct 08'), we were laughing so hard at the person who bounced off his bed out of his window and passed away unfortunately. That's cos he was so engrossed in his guitar playing and didn't realize that the huge window right behind him was opened big big! We also laughed about other stuff related to that kind. Like I told them I couldn't help but laugh when I heard a report on the radio: A father (40 yrs) had killed his son (18 yrs) in China. The father killed his son with a chopper cos they were fighting over the computer to play computer game! Omigush! The world is full of unbelievable things! 世界无奇不有！There was Jing Chao, Yi Ting, Angel (pink robot) and me.
On Tue, before HC232, I was laughing so hard at Yao Tang and Angel! WHAHAAHA... They are both super funny and lame. I really laugh til I want to hyper-ventilate sometimes! After HC204, I was laughing so hard again, dunno at wad and Yi Ting came and looked seriously at me and told me "get out", she was saying Ying Ning is inside me. Ying Ning is a character in one of the stories of Liao Zhai who laughs and laughs and laughs, it's like throughout the story, she laughed till the end and only stopped laughing when she killed someone with her laugh ahah. Super funny la...
Whew, I so need to work hard on my report, the first for HC232. Angel always says she will anyhow write, so funny haa, she's 4A student loh! Whee, I'm gonna watch 命中注定我爱你。桑桑：你继续感动吧！真的很谢谢你在我生命里。你参与了我很多的“时光”！和美好回忆！
it was so random, i brought my camera on 10 Oct 08' (fri), i forgot why le.
that's angel in her strait jacket ahhaa...
that's 名教黄耀棠 debating with our sub teacher hahaah.
no la, after class le, that's no gunpowder at all!
wee hee, this is the glasses of Tang Tang Wei.
taken on 11 Oct 08' (sat) when we were @ ichiban boshi @ suntec for Yellowstone National Park friends gathering. ah, yellowstone, i lurve you.
Oh and I cried so hard again, like a wailing baby - but surprisingly, it felt so good when I could scream and cry for all I was worth, I was really using every ounce of energy in my body to cry. 越哭越起劲！哈哈。真爽，能够放声大哭也是一大享受！这比以前轻轻哭泣爽多了！我会如此大哭，则是因为我妈妈一直说她好友的大女儿多么有本事！上大学，不但不用跟父母拿钱，还给他们钱。因为她作工的工资很高！我就一直说，不是每个人都那么有本事的。不爽她一直拿我和别人比。我虽然不是什么有本事的女儿，但我孝顺 （虽然有时喜欢顶嘴）我没在外面惹事。然后，觉得自己很委屈，我有时真的很努力地为学业奋斗，考试的时候真是那样！但妈妈还是那样说我。我觉得自己很冤枉，自己为妈妈付出的努力被忽视了。好，我承认我有时真的没有做到一个学生应该做的，像迟到或有时翘课。但我的成绩不但没有退步，反而还进步了（真是奇怪，但我不可以每次依赖我的好运！）。
虽然我有时说我要退学，但我真的不敢。因为若一退，我又不知道要干嘛。能尽量不向父母亲拿钱，就不拿。偶尔做做家务，就是为了要博取妈妈的一笑。希望我妈妈每天快快乐乐，希望我的孩子气和神经病能让她大笑。我想，我真的很爱我妈妈，不知道没有她的日子会怎样。总是在书里看到，“人们总得等到失去后才后悔，拥有时总是不会珍惜。” 所以，现在的我总提醒自己去想象身边的人若不在的话，若他们一辈子都不会再出现在我身边后，我的生活将会是怎样的呢？想到后，就害怕，觉得好像我的生活不完整。仿佛，身体失去了一快很大片的肉或什么的。（糟了，好烂的比喻哦哈哈！）但读者能明白就好！
耶，通过以上的那么一写，更有动力向努力了！因为，我现在有点懒！有点不想作报告！hehe.
i'm outta here... later people haha...
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{/Monday, October 13, 2008, @7:06 PM.
{ Bouts of Melancholia (the 2nd bout today)... Today is crying }
Title: Bouts of Melancholia (the 2nd bout today)... Today is crying day
Yesterday, long day @ Utopia, frm 1030am to 9.30pm (about 10pm I got off work cos something wrong with POS system)... It must be the purple walls. It's like I really feel no interest in anything...
I'm no longer that crazy about dancing... It's worrying...
I have thoughts of leaving the world behind.
I jus want to rant.
Oh-so-emo just sucks. I want to believe "everything happens for a reason" but it seems like who I am, innately, being so emotional - what good is there? I feel so touched easily, moved to tears easily? I was so helpless about time flying by, that my time in Yellowstone is so over and there's nothing I can do to stay there...
Papa said it might not be that good for me to go to Yellowstone, but i do think that it's the best thing that has happened to me so far. I come back, having thoughts of leaving this world, having no idea how to live my life. I thought it'd be better for me since I really did what I want to over there(85%), that I recognize how relieving and free it felt to do what I really want to do. I was living my life, the way I want it, the best I could ever live, the best I've ever lived (in my entire life). How come I can't do it now? I thought I had a better idea of how to live my future days, but not so it seems... :(
I haven't read a book, a novel in a really long time! It's time to start, I guess, finding inspiration. The whole journey of finding inspiration starts again. I'm always finding inspiration.
Sometimes after I reach home, I'd read a few books on life and its philosophy that Sang borrowed from the library. It did help momentarily, but after a while, the effect sorta wore off. Am I just tired or I'm really tired of living? I lie on the bed and my thoughts travel so far away from me, to other parts of the world, to everything so far away from the reality I'm stuck in now. It has a wild mind, (my mind has a wild mind).
Listening to Elva's song now - 两个人的寂寞。The melody just puts me in a mood of crying, it's like ... I don't really know how to express it. It feels peaceful but yet I want to cry. (tears just fell)
Thks Charmaine Da-Jie for reading my blog always, your presence just comforts me.
Yours, Xiaohui's and Shan-er's. It made me feel that I'm back in US on the road trip.
And thanks for organizing the gathering, I was really down at first but I really felt so much better at night m_m
Whew, it's really true that one does find comfort in one's happy past, the happy memories that are so far away from me. I cried while I waited for Mama to come pick me up from the roadside just now. I was watching the road, wondering how it'd be if I stepped out there. (though the pathetically slow speed of the vehicles wouldn't hurt me in any way) Den I saw my mama coming round the path when she comes! I felt bad, felt so guilty, felt so stupid, having no tiny weeny bit of intelligence to speak of. I started crying, hard. She asked me what's wrong, what happened. I realized I dunno how to answer her cos I was just unhappy? sad? with the entire world. I sobbed a little bit more on the way home.
我不应该还不放手
...
我有自由好好过
解脱，是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走
这世界辽阔，我总会实现一个梦。
想，若结局一样，又何苦再想？
伤，若让人成长？我为什么怕分手的伤？
心里有一种渴望勇敢的念头
不要爱我的人在担心我 (more tears)
Thks for Jennifer for empathizing with my watery signs haha! It was so funny, it felt like you could really understand but I understand you're more stable in any sense so you can't really feel how it's like to really mood-swing so much! Maybe I believe too much in this horoscope thing, but all my life, I've always been emotional. It just comes and takes over me! Whatever, I'll try hard! Giving up is the easiest thing and I'd only feel like giving up when I'm feeling down. Its' amazing, how sometimes some sleep can do wonders! I guess I'm just tired and stressed that I have so little time... Now, able to watch shows/read a bit is a luxury for me! It's so different from when I had so much time since I wasn't working in my previous semesters (especially before I went to USA)... Now, lying on the bed feels oh-so-awesome... whoo... Yesterday night, coming home to eat mee cooked by Papa and Sang Sang and eating 3 pieces of kaya toast that Sang Sang bought for me can touch me so greatly (crying again). I just totally ignored the fact that I had to stop eating after 7.30pm!
Whew, writing it out makes me feel better. Here's a look on the moon sign Pisces, my inner, emotional side!
Moon in Pisces
Keywords: Spiritual, Artistic, Susceptible, Intuitive, Whimsical, Compassionate
Those born with the moon in a Water sign need to establish solid emotional commitments. Before considering the practicality of a situation, and before objectively examining the facts, they react emotionally. They are highly intuitive, though at times it is deceptively self-serving.
As lunar Water sign personalities, those with moon in Pisces are at the mercy of their sensitive nature. Wounded by insults, and beset with fear of rejection and other insecurities, they do not do well in relationships with those who are emotionally tough and independent. As a defense mechanism to protect their inner vulnerability, they may turn into bullies, out to get others before others get them. It is best for these individuals to adopt a religious or philosophical outlook that can provide them with an underlying strength that their temperament does not naturally possess.
Piscean moon personalities are romantic, idealistic, and creative. Quite a few lunar Pisceans are gifted writers, actors, and illustrators. In spite of their sensitive nature, they often have a strong outer personality. Remarkably imaginative and farsighted, the major flaw that prevents their projects from being successful is impracticality or else lack of clarity or both. Adept at sales and promotion, they are not always as responsible as they should be when it comes to how much actual substance there is in what they offer. Their excess emotions imply the almost certain potential for waging lifelong battles against overindulgence of every kind.
Women with Pisces moon are prone to developing anxiety complexes. They are also apt to be psychic with a gift for healing. Their emotional nature is well-suited for the comfort of a domestic life, though they may be unwilling or unable to efficiently manage the household. Men with Pisces moon are vulnerable to being victimized in their personal life, while at the same time, having great strength and wisdom to ably handle the affairs of others.
--- Doesn't really mention what good points there is right? I'll just have to find it, them!
我想我只是暂时失去方向。真奇怪，都一把年纪了，还那么情绪化、感情用事。真的和我在中学时的少年时期那种“发癫式的耍脾气”那种情形的情绪化有得比。以 为长大了，就会好，那时很多人那样对我说，让我很期待长大后的我。长大真有那么好吗？ok lah, 有好有坏吧。我真的需要知道我该怎么过生活，怎样生活，how to live?
“改变想法，改变生活”，不知道是哪位名人说的名言。
其实，我虽然没什么物质上的欲望（除了食物吧），但我有蛮多心灵上的欲望。以前还比较强烈，去美国后几乎没有了，没想到回到新加坡，最近，它们又回来了。 就是要有那种pai kia的朋友！哈哈，不知道的人会觉得可笑吧，但是一直是乖乖女的我真得很想做让人意想不到的事，是自己想突破，想叛逆，做完全和我外表相反的事。还有就 是要有那种很多朋友，一大帮一大帮那种。但事实是，我有的和我要的是对立的。Ooh, a realization! Everything happens for a reason 吧。算了，再想、再写下去，就是胡思乱想，胡思乱写。我太时常做那种事了哈哈！浪费了宝贵的时间!
Alrighty, I'm done with ranting. My energy for ranting is almost used up haha. Feels better after dumping everything out, though I still feel writing it out on paper is more effective :D, cos I really get tired after writing, my hands really ache.
I just sang with Elva and Ah Mei and "为你而活” by the 星光大道 winners of Season 2. It feels so great to just shout and sing and cry and nobody's home. Sometimes, I try to stifle my sobbing sounds when people are at home. 珍惜, cherish, treasure --- really important. It's so easy to keep talking about it but not so easy to really fully comprehend it at all times. Ah! F*ck! So I gotta think, what if that person is dead, would you like it??? HAO BA, 抒发晚了，可以去看一下戏，然后写报告！正要去看《星光大道第一集》哈哈。我喜欢看“有历史性”的戏，就是很久以前的戏。
Try harder, don't give up! In terms of everything!
Don't really feel like "living" (活起来），but I guess I have no choice, my report needs to be written!
So the end of it, I'm not fully recovered from melancholia, still recovering...indeed T_T
this is act cry...
3rd sep 08' (wed) meeting with sec sch dance frens!
we went arena then mos.
it's really pretty boring but I had good laughs cos of Poh Poh Ying, Er Poh Hui (Madam - the policewoman), Samantha, Hui Min (rabbit)...
wah! dancing - i want to get high with dancing again！
weird pic, i wonder why the effect is like that...
lurves!
i don't like lychee martini, I'm just posing...
madam!
昨天读到的：“做人已经不容易，为何还不要善待自己？”
I cried after reading that but like i told you, the effect wore off...
really, in the midst of recovering...
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Yesterday, long day @ Utopia, frm 1030am to 9.30pm (about 10pm I got off work cos something wrong with POS system)... It must be the purple walls. It's like I really feel no interest in anything...
I'm no longer that crazy about dancing... It's worrying...
I have thoughts of leaving the world behind.
I jus want to rant.
Oh-so-emo just sucks. I want to believe "everything happens for a reason" but it seems like who I am, innately, being so emotional - what good is there? I feel so touched easily, moved to tears easily? I was so helpless about time flying by, that my time in Yellowstone is so over and there's nothing I can do to stay there...
Papa said it might not be that good for me to go to Yellowstone, but i do think that it's the best thing that has happened to me so far. I come back, having thoughts of leaving this world, having no idea how to live my life. I thought it'd be better for me since I really did what I want to over there(85%), that I recognize how relieving and free it felt to do what I really want to do. I was living my life, the way I want it, the best I could ever live, the best I've ever lived (in my entire life). How come I can't do it now? I thought I had a better idea of how to live my future days, but not so it seems... :(
I haven't read a book, a novel in a really long time! It's time to start, I guess, finding inspiration. The whole journey of finding inspiration starts again. I'm always finding inspiration.
Sometimes after I reach home, I'd read a few books on life and its philosophy that Sang borrowed from the library. It did help momentarily, but after a while, the effect sorta wore off. Am I just tired or I'm really tired of living? I lie on the bed and my thoughts travel so far away from me, to other parts of the world, to everything so far away from the reality I'm stuck in now. It has a wild mind, (my mind has a wild mind).
Listening to Elva's song now - 两个人的寂寞。The melody just puts me in a mood of crying, it's like ... I don't really know how to express it. It feels peaceful but yet I want to cry. (tears just fell)
Thks Charmaine Da-Jie for reading my blog always, your presence just comforts me.
Yours, Xiaohui's and Shan-er's. It made me feel that I'm back in US on the road trip.
And thanks for organizing the gathering, I was really down at first but I really felt so much better at night m_m
Whew, it's really true that one does find comfort in one's happy past, the happy memories that are so far away from me. I cried while I waited for Mama to come pick me up from the roadside just now. I was watching the road, wondering how it'd be if I stepped out there. (though the pathetically slow speed of the vehicles wouldn't hurt me in any way) Den I saw my mama coming round the path when she comes! I felt bad, felt so guilty, felt so stupid, having no tiny weeny bit of intelligence to speak of. I started crying, hard. She asked me what's wrong, what happened. I realized I dunno how to answer her cos I was just unhappy? sad? with the entire world. I sobbed a little bit more on the way home.
我不应该还不放手
...
我有自由好好过
解脱，是懂擦干泪看以后
找个新方向往前走
这世界辽阔，我总会实现一个梦。
想，若结局一样，又何苦再想？
伤，若让人成长？我为什么怕分手的伤？
心里有一种渴望勇敢的念头
不要爱我的人在担心我 (more tears)
Thks for Jennifer for empathizing with my watery signs haha! It was so funny, it felt like you could really understand but I understand you're more stable in any sense so you can't really feel how it's like to really mood-swing so much! Maybe I believe too much in this horoscope thing, but all my life, I've always been emotional. It just comes and takes over me! Whatever, I'll try hard! Giving up is the easiest thing and I'd only feel like giving up when I'm feeling down. Its' amazing, how sometimes some sleep can do wonders! I guess I'm just tired and stressed that I have so little time... Now, able to watch shows/read a bit is a luxury for me! It's so different from when I had so much time since I wasn't working in my previous semesters (especially before I went to USA)... Now, lying on the bed feels oh-so-awesome... whoo... Yesterday night, coming home to eat mee cooked by Papa and Sang Sang and eating 3 pieces of kaya toast that Sang Sang bought for me can touch me so greatly (crying again). I just totally ignored the fact that I had to stop eating after 7.30pm!
Whew, writing it out makes me feel better. Here's a look on the moon sign Pisces, my inner, emotional side!
Moon in Pisces
Keywords: Spiritual, Artistic, Susceptible, Intuitive, Whimsical, Compassionate
Those born with the moon in a Water sign need to establish solid emotional commitments. Before considering the practicality of a situation, and before objectively examining the facts, they react emotionally. They are highly intuitive, though at times it is deceptively self-serving.
As lunar Water sign personalities, those with moon in Pisces are at the mercy of their sensitive nature. Wounded by insults, and beset with fear of rejection and other insecurities, they do not do well in relationships with those who are emotionally tough and independent. As a defense mechanism to protect their inner vulnerability, they may turn into bullies, out to get others before others get them. It is best for these individuals to adopt a religious or philosophical outlook that can provide them with an underlying strength that their temperament does not naturally possess.
Piscean moon personalities are romantic, idealistic, and creative. Quite a few lunar Pisceans are gifted writers, actors, and illustrators. In spite of their sensitive nature, they often have a strong outer personality. Remarkably imaginative and farsighted, the major flaw that prevents their projects from being successful is impracticality or else lack of clarity or both. Adept at sales and promotion, they are not always as responsible as they should be when it comes to how much actual substance there is in what they offer. Their excess emotions imply the almost certain potential for waging lifelong battles against overindulgence of every kind.
Women with Pisces moon are prone to developing anxiety complexes. They are also apt to be psychic with a gift for healing. Their emotional nature is well-suited for the comfort of a domestic life, though they may be unwilling or unable to efficiently manage the household. Men with Pisces moon are vulnerable to being victimized in their personal life, while at the same time, having great strength and wisdom to ably handle the affairs of others.
--- Doesn't really mention what good points there is right? I'll just have to find it, them!
我想我只是暂时失去方向。真奇怪，都一把年纪了，还那么情绪化、感情用事。真的和我在中学时的少年时期那种“发癫式的耍脾气”那种情形的情绪化有得比。以 为长大了，就会好，那时很多人那样对我说，让我很期待长大后的我。长大真有那么好吗？ok lah, 有好有坏吧。我真的需要知道我该怎么过生活，怎样生活，how to live?
“改变想法，改变生活”，不知道是哪位名人说的名言。
其实，我虽然没什么物质上的欲望（除了食物吧），但我有蛮多心灵上的欲望。以前还比较强烈，去美国后几乎没有了，没想到回到新加坡，最近，它们又回来了。 就是要有那种pai kia的朋友！哈哈，不知道的人会觉得可笑吧，但是一直是乖乖女的我真得很想做让人意想不到的事，是自己想突破，想叛逆，做完全和我外表相反的事。还有就 是要有那种很多朋友，一大帮一大帮那种。但事实是，我有的和我要的是对立的。Ooh, a realization! Everything happens for a reason 吧。算了，再想、再写下去，就是胡思乱想，胡思乱写。我太时常做那种事了哈哈！浪费了宝贵的时间!
Alrighty, I'm done with ranting. My energy for ranting is almost used up haha. Feels better after dumping everything out, though I still feel writing it out on paper is more effective :D, cos I really get tired after writing, my hands really ache.
I just sang with Elva and Ah Mei and "为你而活” by the 星光大道 winners of Season 2. It feels so great to just shout and sing and cry and nobody's home. Sometimes, I try to stifle my sobbing sounds when people are at home. 珍惜, cherish, treasure --- really important. It's so easy to keep talking about it but not so easy to really fully comprehend it at all times. Ah! F*ck! So I gotta think, what if that person is dead, would you like it??? HAO BA, 抒发晚了，可以去看一下戏，然后写报告！正要去看《星光大道第一集》哈哈。我喜欢看“有历史性”的戏，就是很久以前的戏。
Try harder, don't give up! In terms of everything!
Don't really feel like "living" (活起来），but I guess I have no choice, my report needs to be written!
So the end of it, I'm not fully recovered from melancholia, still recovering...indeed T_T
this is act cry...
3rd sep 08' (wed) meeting with sec sch dance frens!
we went arena then mos.
it's really pretty boring but I had good laughs cos of Poh Poh Ying, Er Poh Hui (Madam - the policewoman), Samantha, Hui Min (rabbit)...
wah! dancing - i want to get high with dancing again！
weird pic, i wonder why the effect is like that...
lurves!
i don't like lychee martini, I'm just posing...
madam!
昨天读到的：“做人已经不容易，为何还不要善待自己？”
I cried after reading that but like i told you, the effect wore off...
really, in the midst of recovering...
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{/Monday, October 06, 2008, @10:46 PM.
{ I'm Better! Lurving life, again. }
TITLE: I'm Better! Lurving life, again. I just went for an audition to be a background dancer just now. Hope I get it and get moley moley moley money! I just feel more fulfilled these days. I'm not procrastinating that much, like I'm interested to do my work/report/assignments, unlike previously when I was so hating it! Gotta write the first HC232 report for tmr and translating of this article. Oke, I better get to work. Life is good now. But as compared to Yellowstone, it's different and I still think my experience there was so good. Well, at least life now is catching up til back then, my favourite and best summer so far!
Work work work - i so wanna quit utopia but many things are holding me back. Jamie - she intro me to the job and if i quit, she'll look bad since she asked me to go back. I don't know how to tell Sherry yet, cos it seems as if they're really understaffed these days. Well, at least I'm working once a week, it isn't that hard to bear! yeah yeah, speedwing - i dun like them last time but I lurve them very much. Roadshow roadshow - meeting my favourite YNP people this coming Saturday! Wheet!!!!!!!!!!! it's Evelyn the Wongy's/ US/ ding tai fung's bday on Wed. Wad r we gonna do??????????? We're meeting up ahha, hopefully we have lotsa fun again.
On 05 Oct 08' (mama's bday/Sunday), I had so much fun! Firstly, I was practising for my song and the dance - I danced to Leona Lewis's Bleeding Heart (this song brings back a lot of memories - that's why I chose it) for the audition. Then, we went to Sentosa for capoeira. Omigush, Poh Poh Ying/Iris/Tyris, I lurve you so much! You never fail to make me laugh!!!!!!! So much fun, been long since I laughed that much! Looking forward to meeting you again! "Depressed become impressed"... Hahahahahhaha, Shu Shuhui too! I lurve you to bits, baby (though i'm not that sure wad that expression means ha!). I was just really really happy that day! Even at night when my Mama and Brother were like kinda dead at night, I was still so high and irritated my brother very much ahha. I lurve it when Shuhui laughs silently - it's just so uniquely her and I know she finds the stuff she's laughing at really funny! Maybe! Just maybe, I'm gonna do relief teaching. Much better than utopia's low pay... m_m Oh yeah, Poh Poh Ying aha, yippee yar yar yippee yippee yar! That's so funny! I'm writing all of them down here cos I wanna remember.
一个人的精彩 --- Elva's song hah... Don't care about her lyrics - just the title is so AWESOME!
I'm finally lurving life, enjoying it. Again! Just need to work hard on my dancing from now on! 我不会跳舞。我没有模仿罗志祥 oke!!!!!!
I watched Step Up 2 yesterday and I feel so inspired again!
Some inspiring quotes:
"Don't give up! Just be yourself! Life's too short to be anybody else!"
"It's not about what you got, it's what you make of what you've got!"
--- By Andie (lead actress) ---- her dancing - so powerful!
Though I'm busy now, like I don't have much time to read or watch that much shows since I'm out of the house more often, the things I do are more meaningful! OH YEAH AND REMEMBER! don't think too much! 别想太多！一切随缘！顺其自然！Cos I was thinking if I want to work in another retail store instead. It's like I like the talking to customers part and i'm so happy when they buy stuff that I recommend and they're so happy about it. I won't think I'm having no social interaction with people at all since I have to interact whenever people come in! But I think after Yellowstone experience, it makes me want to be immersed in a place where there's lots of young people again! I'm thinking of working in Pull and Bear/Cotton On. My brother is working in New Urban Male and he really enjoys it though he has the same pay as me. I think I better not reveal the pay. Yeah, after all the updating, I'm gonna work hard! I don't want to sleep at 7am again! Like last Tuesday! Damn, Damn! Justin Timberlake song is so funny ahha.
Random pics time!!!!!!!!! Again!!!!!!!
Took this when I worked in Utopia on 21 Sep 08'.
I realized I really like how my hair looks in this pic ha.
Yellow/Blonde hair with yellow tee!
I used to hate yellow hair but it's on me now and I'm kinda lurving it!
It has changed again cos I just cut my fringe cos it keeps getting into my right eye!
That day, I bought Wonka Fruit Pastilles from Candy Empire for $2.50.
Gush, so expensive! Good, ol' frutips is much better and cheaper!
That said, I seldom eat sweets nowadays.
I lost 2kg ever since I got back.
Well that's really what should happen since I gained 4kg while I was in the States!
Winnie says Hello! I just lurve this Tee from Disneyland! The real AuThenTic Disneyland!
Thks Jss dance mates, I really really felt so touched that you gurls didn't forget my bday though I was overseas! You all don't know how much it means to me that ppl remember my bday. Cos I always make the effort to remember ppl's bday, I'm really super super whoopy-doopley contented/happy/in bliss when ppl remember it! It's like I'm not forgotten! I bought stuff with the voucher le!
I bought a liquid eyeliner, a bronzer and a yellowish/goldish eyeshadow! :D
That day I watched Mamma Mia with Sang Sang on 22 Sep 08' （Mon) - 1st day of recess week!
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Work work work - i so wanna quit utopia but many things are holding me back. Jamie - she intro me to the job and if i quit, she'll look bad since she asked me to go back. I don't know how to tell Sherry yet, cos it seems as if they're really understaffed these days. Well, at least I'm working once a week, it isn't that hard to bear! yeah yeah, speedwing - i dun like them last time but I lurve them very much. Roadshow roadshow - meeting my favourite YNP people this coming Saturday! Wheet!!!!!!!!!!! it's Evelyn the Wongy's/ US/ ding tai fung's bday on Wed. Wad r we gonna do??????????? We're meeting up ahha, hopefully we have lotsa fun again.
On 05 Oct 08' (mama's bday/Sunday), I had so much fun! Firstly, I was practising for my song and the dance - I danced to Leona Lewis's Bleeding Heart (this song brings back a lot of memories - that's why I chose it) for the audition. Then, we went to Sentosa for capoeira. Omigush, Poh Poh Ying/Iris/Tyris, I lurve you so much! You never fail to make me laugh!!!!!!! So much fun, been long since I laughed that much! Looking forward to meeting you again! "Depressed become impressed"... Hahahahahhaha, Shu Shuhui too! I lurve you to bits, baby (though i'm not that sure wad that expression means ha!). I was just really really happy that day! Even at night when my Mama and Brother were like kinda dead at night, I was still so high and irritated my brother very much ahha. I lurve it when Shuhui laughs silently - it's just so uniquely her and I know she finds the stuff she's laughing at really funny! Maybe! Just maybe, I'm gonna do relief teaching. Much better than utopia's low pay... m_m Oh yeah, Poh Poh Ying aha, yippee yar yar yippee yippee yar! That's so funny! I'm writing all of them down here cos I wanna remember.
一个人的精彩 --- Elva's song hah... Don't care about her lyrics - just the title is so AWESOME!
I'm finally lurving life, enjoying it. Again! Just need to work hard on my dancing from now on! 我不会跳舞。我没有模仿罗志祥 oke!!!!!!
I watched Step Up 2 yesterday and I feel so inspired again!
Some inspiring quotes:
"Don't give up! Just be yourself! Life's too short to be anybody else!"
"It's not about what you got, it's what you make of what you've got!"
--- By Andie (lead actress) ---- her dancing - so powerful!
Though I'm busy now, like I don't have much time to read or watch that much shows since I'm out of the house more often, the things I do are more meaningful! OH YEAH AND REMEMBER! don't think too much! 别想太多！一切随缘！顺其自然！Cos I was thinking if I want to work in another retail store instead. It's like I like the talking to customers part and i'm so happy when they buy stuff that I recommend and they're so happy about it. I won't think I'm having no social interaction with people at all since I have to interact whenever people come in! But I think after Yellowstone experience, it makes me want to be immersed in a place where there's lots of young people again! I'm thinking of working in Pull and Bear/Cotton On. My brother is working in New Urban Male and he really enjoys it though he has the same pay as me. I think I better not reveal the pay. Yeah, after all the updating, I'm gonna work hard! I don't want to sleep at 7am again! Like last Tuesday! Damn, Damn! Justin Timberlake song is so funny ahha.
Random pics time!!!!!!!!! Again!!!!!!!
Took this when I worked in Utopia on 21 Sep 08'.
I realized I really like how my hair looks in this pic ha.
Yellow/Blonde hair with yellow tee!
I used to hate yellow hair but it's on me now and I'm kinda lurving it!
It has changed again cos I just cut my fringe cos it keeps getting into my right eye!
That day, I bought Wonka Fruit Pastilles from Candy Empire for $2.50.
Gush, so expensive! Good, ol' frutips is much better and cheaper!
That said, I seldom eat sweets nowadays.
I lost 2kg ever since I got back.
Well that's really what should happen since I gained 4kg while I was in the States!
Winnie says Hello! I just lurve this Tee from Disneyland! The real AuThenTic Disneyland!
Thks Jss dance mates, I really really felt so touched that you gurls didn't forget my bday though I was overseas! You all don't know how much it means to me that ppl remember my bday. Cos I always make the effort to remember ppl's bday, I'm really super super whoopy-doopley contented/happy/in bliss when ppl remember it! It's like I'm not forgotten! I bought stuff with the voucher le!
I bought a liquid eyeliner, a bronzer and a yellowish/goldish eyeshadow! :D
That day I watched Mamma Mia with Sang Sang on 22 Sep 08' （Mon) - 1st day of recess week!
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