{/Tuesday, April 28, 2009, @6:11 PM.
{ I'm Crying, but it feels damn good. }
TITLE: I'm Crying, but it feels damn good.
Thanks summer haha. I just finished reading ur old blog and sorta thought of some things! It made me go back to the times when I was younger, when I really enjoyed living. I had no idea why some ppl would ever complain that life was boring or it sucks.
Then, I listened to Landy's Tong Shou Tong Jiao "同手同脚“, gush I just feel so touched. Yesh, I feel so happy I have a brother, I have Sang Sang and the friends and the people who have made me feel better when I felt so sad. Gush the tears still keep coming down... Pls kylala like remember how u feel now! It feels so damn good! Don't think about what happens the next moment, just enjoy... it now... :D (That has really been my problem these days)...
Summer u said this：（ｔｈａｎｋｓ）
“I have to sit back and let whatever's meant to happen, happen.＂
Gush, I haven't had such a good cry in such a loooong while! I suddenly miss my old life! When I didn't think so much, I just did things, not making myself feel bored. Actually, that old life sorta ended ever since I came back from the States. Ever since then, I feel like I haven't been doing much and have been rotting, almost dying.
People see me laugh, I don't think they know I do have depression so easily sometimes...I just feel so miserable sometimes. I think I'm just someone who's very unsuitable to lead a life too idyllic? Like so super free... I feel like I'm wasting time/ rotting? There were indeed times in life when I looked forward to the next day so very much. But recently, I suddenly feel that I wan to adopt sleeping as my hobby, like I dont have to think of anything. I really just envision the future to be super gray, like gray paint still dripping.
And thanks summer haha. I think I've always denied to be a dreamer, even until now. You're a dreamer and you just let it be. I'm so damn emotional, my mood swings are so erratic and I like Da Dong so much and I feel that I'm trying to suppress myself. But I felt such a huge desire, to just try my best and try to dance so much to the extent that I become Fahrenheit's dancer...
But not always I'd feel so down and pessimistic. Sometimes, I'd think back of the times I had in Yellowstone and know that there's so much out there in the world! Like Fahrenheit's "越来越爱“is so nice but i'm like forcing myself not to listen to it cos i'm afraid i'd dream about da dong and me hahahhaha. But maybe I shd just let it be and don't care so much? I sorta have that all-rounder thinking u know, like after i feel that i'm so happy to see him on youtube and stuff haha, then it's unreal after all... i don't really know how i can get near him or something, unless i get killed while i jump all the way and crush through the crowd without thinking what my fate would be. Like you know try to grab him or something, kiss him or what haha then be pulled off out of Changi airport. But oh well, maybe i shouldn't. Cos I don't really want to squeeze with all the ZOMFG many fans at the airport. If i want, i want to like just be around him, be his friend? Sang said lurvers might not last till forever, but friends are FOREVER HAAHH!
Listening to: 612星球 by S.H.E.
I cried when I heard this too. About Little Prince. Suddenly I don't feel like writing and just listening to the songs. hahaa...
I should really lurve life and just everything that comes with it :D What's meant to be, will be in the end. So meanwhile, I should live my life to the fullest though I don't really know how to other than watching youtube and watching all those dramas now ahha right now at home. I'm looking forward to dance and see what will bring me ahahha. I should so go to Cotton on tmr to ask if they're hiring. I hesitated just now when I tot about it cos i felt that they wouldn't want to hire me cos i'm ugly, i'm just such an un-fun person. HAVE CONFIDENCE - GUSH! Think about yourself, you are more than you think you are (Mavliuda)... Okie so go tmr ahha.
I used to really enjoying listening to songs and then writing the lyrics down. Which means I'd have to really listen hard and listen to the songs.
Oh well, maybe not... I shd stop thinking of Da Dong so much haha. 大东！But like the more I want to stop thinking abt it, he keeps appearing. Ah, infatuation, obsession. Hate it... But I really feel so happy when I watch him on videos. But it's still different from seeing him in real life. Gush, slow down slow down. Think of "fate" ahha. If it's meant to be, it will be. There is more to life than 大东哈哈！After writing so much, I think I don't want to join the fanclub still. I want to try to go to Taiwan and like 做一个追星族？
Oh well, my rantings are like soooo random and I'm just writing whatever comes to mind. I should stop being sooooo emo. I hate it sometimes. I just can't seem to feel happy you know? Uh, I was still telling Robot just now that I feel my life is such a monotony... Oh well, but it wasn't cos at least it had a stable peak in Yellowstone? I MUST STOP THINKING IN CIRCLES, TOOPIDLY. GO DOOO SOMETHINGGGGG HA!
Exams are over and read more? goooooo and watch shows/fansub - u owe people that! Haha... Lurve life all over again? Give thanks? Be grateful? Should I listen to 同手同脚again? Fark it. That surge of feeling-good just went away.
Uh, I should really stop hating myself? Or wishing there's more in my life than whatever is in here now? Okie, go ask about the job tmr hahaha.
summer again haa:
"I know I'm not as perfect as you would've liked me to be. But, are you happy with who you turn out as? Are you excited to become this older you? This flawed, sometimes awkward, sarcastic, boyish, girlish, imperfect you?
No regrets. Here's to looking forward."
I guess, I was very much excited about life in Yellowstone, but not so much in Singapore. Gush I have to stop thinking it's sooo boring. I'm so going to let loose and go all wild on Min's birthday? Hahaa. Be the silly me again. The one who laughs like mad and doesn't care what others think. After all, I'm with myself in this journey and I don't really have to care about others that much isn't it? Okie, kylala, so go all crazy, as crazy as you can okie? Being happy in the moment? hahahah...
Oh I so have to find some more joy in this pathetic life? find distractions! Maybe today being cynical is the best? I just can't feel all happy and high? No matter what, contentment is the best. Oh no, there I go again, 大东 appearing in my mind again! I have to outsource to other idols, so I don't keep on being focused on one person only.
About dat, have faith? hahahahahahh... the world is so amazing after all. the time isn't right yet. unexpected things do happen:
oh before i forget i so have to write them down, here and later in one of my books:
thanks Sharon/Snow White soooo much - that poster was such a great surprise! and i do feel that listening to the radio cheers me up somehow haha. im' entitled to as much fun i'm supposed to get right? neways (oh no i digressed again ahah), i asked my mama while papa was around too, "你为什么生我？” i think mama's answer was like cos we just did haha. “你们要我开开心心是吗？”哈哈,isn't that crap （废话？）
Let me be more silly ahh. Whenever I feel worried, think "just relax. enjoy :D there's so much in life to enjoy" but I can't help but feel that i get so easily influenced and affected by how the songs im listening to go ahha.
location: home
feeling: i dunno but definitely obsession with 大东! bring me to taiwan to see 大东 and be his friend!
oops i forgot about sharon ahha. she's so sweet, i wanna melt already. for giving me thatDA MOUTH AUTOGRAPHED POSTER! seriously, I'm happier about ur thought of giving me that so unexpectedly than the poster itself haha.
this is sharon the snow white haha.
oh and connie haa: thanks, you text me to ask if i needed you to reply yesh for beijing ahhaa. :D
thanks sang and kelvin, for the past few days, obession with 大东 and I just don't want to study! i cried and had the urge to jump down ahhaha. then sang asked me to find her, i put on my pink jap short kimono like top that mama bought for me when they were in japan while i was in yellowstone (my lurve) ahhaha. ah... i shd so watch some funny shows. its' a melancholic day huh... all the stress still in me? but gush, i felt damn awesomely good when i was crying!
oh and kylala STOP TRYING TO LIVE PEOPLE'S LIVES! perspective is all there is to it. life's too short to be someone else haha. (that lead frm step up 2 said)... i need a dream - to be a backup dancer for elva/fahrenheit! great, goal for me to work out more haha! and kelvin kor kor and i reached a consensus that when u dance, u really wanna dance for people to see! it's biting in me you know haha. well, live life and enjoy it while u can! right, its not easy, to be able to sit peacefully in your living room using the com, while ur papa is watching his fave kdrama as of now: “爱也好，很也好”.sometimes, i really feel that watching a drama/variety show, reading a book, reading anime/manga, playing a rpg game - you're in another world and u escape and u forget everything.
at the end of the day. i still don't feel THAT happy.
oh well, then do whatever i enjoy now? like watching 大东？
but no, i'd feel unhappy again cos im' not by his side.AHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA. OH WELL, THEN WATCH OTHER PPL? OR FANSUB? AHA.
OR LIFE is really like 老大 puts it : "吃好睡好心情好”. 我最近都睡不好。really, it's all about experience. time is not right, so wait! in yellowstone, we play, we live, we laugh. simple as that. lurve it. time has come to mourn it or say mo(u)rning. what a diff a "u" makes. oh well, but 加油！it's all about perspective. gush, this is all about circling again (my worries) ahhaa. ahhhhhhh stop thinking!
lemme search for other nice pictures! be happy that it once happened before, 不要贪心！知足，一切得来不容易！珍惜
VIVIAN'S gift for me :D 20th bday hah. i got it 4 mths after my bday!
later. tata people. i must let this blog live? so if i finally go to mexico, i can see how miserable i once was. the down time of my life haha. so i'll see how i feel in mexico? possibly happier?
0 Comments:
Thanks summer haha. I just finished reading ur old blog and sorta thought of some things! It made me go back to the times when I was younger, when I really enjoyed living. I had no idea why some ppl would ever complain that life was boring or it sucks.
Then, I listened to Landy's Tong Shou Tong Jiao "同手同脚“, gush I just feel so touched. Yesh, I feel so happy I have a brother, I have Sang Sang and the friends and the people who have made me feel better when I felt so sad. Gush the tears still keep coming down... Pls kylala like remember how u feel now! It feels so damn good! Don't think about what happens the next moment, just enjoy... it now... :D (That has really been my problem these days)...
Summer u said this：（ｔｈａｎｋｓ）
“I have to sit back and let whatever's meant to happen, happen.＂
Gush, I haven't had such a good cry in such a loooong while! I suddenly miss my old life! When I didn't think so much, I just did things, not making myself feel bored. Actually, that old life sorta ended ever since I came back from the States. Ever since then, I feel like I haven't been doing much and have been rotting, almost dying.
People see me laugh, I don't think they know I do have depression so easily sometimes...I just feel so miserable sometimes. I think I'm just someone who's very unsuitable to lead a life too idyllic? Like so super free... I feel like I'm wasting time/ rotting? There were indeed times in life when I looked forward to the next day so very much. But recently, I suddenly feel that I wan to adopt sleeping as my hobby, like I dont have to think of anything. I really just envision the future to be super gray, like gray paint still dripping.
And thanks summer haha. I think I've always denied to be a dreamer, even until now. You're a dreamer and you just let it be. I'm so damn emotional, my mood swings are so erratic and I like Da Dong so much and I feel that I'm trying to suppress myself. But I felt such a huge desire, to just try my best and try to dance so much to the extent that I become Fahrenheit's dancer...
But not always I'd feel so down and pessimistic. Sometimes, I'd think back of the times I had in Yellowstone and know that there's so much out there in the world! Like Fahrenheit's "越来越爱“is so nice but i'm like forcing myself not to listen to it cos i'm afraid i'd dream about da dong and me hahahhaha. But maybe I shd just let it be and don't care so much? I sorta have that all-rounder thinking u know, like after i feel that i'm so happy to see him on youtube and stuff haha, then it's unreal after all... i don't really know how i can get near him or something, unless i get killed while i jump all the way and crush through the crowd without thinking what my fate would be. Like you know try to grab him or something, kiss him or what haha then be pulled off out of Changi airport. But oh well, maybe i shouldn't. Cos I don't really want to squeeze with all the ZOMFG many fans at the airport. If i want, i want to like just be around him, be his friend? Sang said lurvers might not last till forever, but friends are FOREVER HAAHH!
Listening to: 612星球 by S.H.E.
I cried when I heard this too. About Little Prince. Suddenly I don't feel like writing and just listening to the songs. hahaa...
I should really lurve life and just everything that comes with it :D What's meant to be, will be in the end. So meanwhile, I should live my life to the fullest though I don't really know how to other than watching youtube and watching all those dramas now ahha right now at home. I'm looking forward to dance and see what will bring me ahahha. I should so go to Cotton on tmr to ask if they're hiring. I hesitated just now when I tot about it cos i felt that they wouldn't want to hire me cos i'm ugly, i'm just such an un-fun person. HAVE CONFIDENCE - GUSH! Think about yourself, you are more than you think you are (Mavliuda)... Okie so go tmr ahha.
I used to really enjoying listening to songs and then writing the lyrics down. Which means I'd have to really listen hard and listen to the songs.
Oh well, maybe not... I shd stop thinking of Da Dong so much haha. 大东！But like the more I want to stop thinking abt it, he keeps appearing. Ah, infatuation, obsession. Hate it... But I really feel so happy when I watch him on videos. But it's still different from seeing him in real life. Gush, slow down slow down. Think of "fate" ahha. If it's meant to be, it will be. There is more to life than 大东哈哈！After writing so much, I think I don't want to join the fanclub still. I want to try to go to Taiwan and like 做一个追星族？
Oh well, my rantings are like soooo random and I'm just writing whatever comes to mind. I should stop being sooooo emo. I hate it sometimes. I just can't seem to feel happy you know? Uh, I was still telling Robot just now that I feel my life is such a monotony... Oh well, but it wasn't cos at least it had a stable peak in Yellowstone? I MUST STOP THINKING IN CIRCLES, TOOPIDLY. GO DOOO SOMETHINGGGGG HA!
Exams are over and read more? goooooo and watch shows/fansub - u owe people that! Haha... Lurve life all over again? Give thanks? Be grateful? Should I listen to 同手同脚again? Fark it. That surge of feeling-good just went away.
Uh, I should really stop hating myself? Or wishing there's more in my life than whatever is in here now? Okie, go ask about the job tmr hahaha.
summer again haa:
"I know I'm not as perfect as you would've liked me to be. But, are you happy with who you turn out as? Are you excited to become this older you? This flawed, sometimes awkward, sarcastic, boyish, girlish, imperfect you?
No regrets. Here's to looking forward."
I guess, I was very much excited about life in Yellowstone, but not so much in Singapore. Gush I have to stop thinking it's sooo boring. I'm so going to let loose and go all wild on Min's birthday? Hahaa. Be the silly me again. The one who laughs like mad and doesn't care what others think. After all, I'm with myself in this journey and I don't really have to care about others that much isn't it? Okie, kylala, so go all crazy, as crazy as you can okie? Being happy in the moment? hahahah...
Oh I so have to find some more joy in this pathetic life? find distractions! Maybe today being cynical is the best? I just can't feel all happy and high? No matter what, contentment is the best. Oh no, there I go again, 大东 appearing in my mind again! I have to outsource to other idols, so I don't keep on being focused on one person only.
About dat, have faith? hahahahahahh... the world is so amazing after all. the time isn't right yet. unexpected things do happen:
oh before i forget i so have to write them down, here and later in one of my books:
thanks Sharon/Snow White soooo much - that poster was such a great surprise! and i do feel that listening to the radio cheers me up somehow haha. im' entitled to as much fun i'm supposed to get right? neways (oh no i digressed again ahah), i asked my mama while papa was around too, "你为什么生我？” i think mama's answer was like cos we just did haha. “你们要我开开心心是吗？”哈哈,isn't that crap （废话？）
Let me be more silly ahh. Whenever I feel worried, think "just relax. enjoy :D there's so much in life to enjoy" but I can't help but feel that i get so easily influenced and affected by how the songs im listening to go ahha.
location: home
feeling: i dunno but definitely obsession with 大东! bring me to taiwan to see 大东 and be his friend!
oops i forgot about sharon ahha. she's so sweet, i wanna melt already. for giving me thatDA MOUTH AUTOGRAPHED POSTER! seriously, I'm happier about ur thought of giving me that so unexpectedly than the poster itself haha.
this is sharon the snow white haha.
oh and connie haa: thanks, you text me to ask if i needed you to reply yesh for beijing ahhaa. :D
thanks sang and kelvin, for the past few days, obession with 大东 and I just don't want to study! i cried and had the urge to jump down ahhaha. then sang asked me to find her, i put on my pink jap short kimono like top that mama bought for me when they were in japan while i was in yellowstone (my lurve) ahhaha. ah... i shd so watch some funny shows. its' a melancholic day huh... all the stress still in me? but gush, i felt damn awesomely good when i was crying!
oh and kylala STOP TRYING TO LIVE PEOPLE'S LIVES! perspective is all there is to it. life's too short to be someone else haha. (that lead frm step up 2 said)... i need a dream - to be a backup dancer for elva/fahrenheit! great, goal for me to work out more haha! and kelvin kor kor and i reached a consensus that when u dance, u really wanna dance for people to see! it's biting in me you know haha. well, live life and enjoy it while u can! right, its not easy, to be able to sit peacefully in your living room using the com, while ur papa is watching his fave kdrama as of now: “爱也好，很也好”.sometimes, i really feel that watching a drama/variety show, reading a book, reading anime/manga, playing a rpg game - you're in another world and u escape and u forget everything.
at the end of the day. i still don't feel THAT happy.
oh well, then do whatever i enjoy now? like watching 大东？
but no, i'd feel unhappy again cos im' not by his side.AHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA. OH WELL, THEN WATCH OTHER PPL? OR FANSUB? AHA.
OR LIFE is really like 老大 puts it : "吃好睡好心情好”. 我最近都睡不好。really, it's all about experience. time is not right, so wait! in yellowstone, we play, we live, we laugh. simple as that. lurve it. time has come to mourn it or say mo(u)rning. what a diff a "u" makes. oh well, but 加油！it's all about perspective. gush, this is all about circling again (my worries) ahhaa. ahhhhhhh stop thinking!
lemme search for other nice pictures! be happy that it once happened before, 不要贪心！知足，一切得来不容易！珍惜
VIVIAN'S gift for me :D 20th bday hah. i got it 4 mths after my bday!
later. tata people. i must let this blog live? so if i finally go to mexico, i can see how miserable i once was. the down time of my life haha. so i'll see how i feel in mexico? possibly happier?
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